Love Letter
by ladyd10
Summary: Ziva writes an email to Tony bearing her heart.
1. Chapter 1

_**Love Letter**_

A/N: This takes place months after Ziva left. If this has enough of a positive response, I'll continue it. I'm leaving it open for now. Cote leaving and Ziva's loss as well hurts a lot. Maybe this can help.

_Dear Tony,_

_Since you have returned home I have missed you every day. My heart hurts, but I know this is for the best for now. Give Abby a hug for me and have tea with Ducky once a week and smile at Palmer, not in the creepy intimidating way. McGee and Gibbs, well, I don't know. I want you to hug them, but you'll be head slapped. Tell them I love them. I will call._

_For now, I'm living at a Kibbutz where I can be close to the earth and find some measure of peace after my whole life of violence. I am happy here. I'd be happier with you, but this is not for you right now. I work in the fields and pick olives when they are ripe and cook in our communal kitchens. It is peaceful. It is what I need for now. Look in the mail. I have sent everyone jars of my own cured olives from our olive grove. You'll have a little part of me with you._

_I still miss Philly steaks with extra steak, extra cheese. So not Kosher...I love you._

_Ziva_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Love Letter**_

_**Chapter 2**_

Tony read Ziva's email over and over until he had every word memorized. Never in his wildest thoughts would the words Ziva and Kibbutz appear in the same sentence. Wasn't that some hippy-dippy kind of thing? Wasn't that like a 60's Commune all nature and free love? He really couldn't see his ninja warrior Ziva doing the peace and love thing on a Kibbutz, but...she had been so broken, so...lost. She had seemed so tired of fighting for every little scrap of temporary happiness that came her way.

Tony sat at his desk, the morning quiet for the moment and began to type.

_Dear Ziva,_

_I hope life on the Kibbutz is treating you well. Don't give in to all that free-love commune stuff. I'm joking. You know that. I'm glad it's helping you find peace, but I can't help wishing you were here, at home, finding peace with us, with me. I'm not pressuring, just, I miss you every moment of every day and nothing is normal without you. I guess I've grown up a lot because you being in Israel in a Kibbutz finding yourself means more to me than you being here in D.C.. I still have tons of vacation time from not taking one in something like five years. I'd like to see life on a Kibbutz when you're ready for it. I miss you, Ziva, we all do. Abby has her computer screens up with your picture on them._

_While we all miss you, we do understand. You have had more than a lifetime of violence and have been trained to react in violence and you now need the peace you're finding. You've lived through more than any of us, Gibbs included, can truly understand. It's no wonder that you've said it was enough._

_Email or Skype Abby. She is taking this incredibly hard. Her first email may burn but you know her. She would find comfort in knowing you're finding peace, but to hear it from you. Send pictures of the Kibbutz. Call Gibbs. He's all growly and more angry than normal. He misses you terribly. He doesn't say so, but the glance he throws at you empty desk tells me so. I promise to have tea with Ducky (it's really nice, not that I ever thought it would be) and listen to his endless stories. I now know why you went to Autopsy. I love those cucumber sandwiches!_

_I, we all, miss you. Take your time, but understand that you have a family here and people who love you, not for the skills you can bring, but for the person you are._

_Love,_

_Tony_


	3. Chapter 3

Love Letter

Chapter Three

_**Thank you all for your encouraging reviews and Guest John, be patient for the ardor. Tony and Ziva have issues with language. They have always had a hard time communicating linguistically because of each of their issues, specially when they weren't staring into each others' eyes. They both have such a hard time with language. They are all about looks. Maybe in time they will Skype. **_

_**Please excuse my mangled Western spellings of Hebrew words. I am learning. Listening and speaking is easy, reading and writing is hard...and I don't have a Hebrew script translation on my keyboard, which would be very helpful to me, very confusing to lots. Translation of Anlee dodee vey dodee lee is: I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine. The translation of Ani Ohev Otakh, ahvuati is I love you, my love.**_

_**Please surmise that Ziva and Rivka are speaking in Hebrew the whole time.I felt that since both Tony and Ziva have issues with expressing themselves, Ziva more than Tony, unless it's annoyance, anger of disgust...the real feelings are extremely difficult for her since she has admitted that English is her weakest language and unadmitted but amply displayed over the years that voicing her feeling in incredibly hard because of her Mossad training.**_

_Tony,_

_It's been a couple of weeks and I miss you terribly. When I am not too tired after working on Kibbutz, I find I am crying myself to sleep. My roommate, Rivka, is terribly worried about me because I shed so many tears. I replay those kisses in the airport and every second since you found me over and over in my head. I miss your voice, your cologne or aftershave...whatever it is; your touch and the longer hair and sexy beard you grew. I miss your face. I know that I have to find myself here, start over, and I must do it alone, but I miss you so much and wish you were not half a world away. I am bad with this, with words, especially English. You know that after correcting me for eight years. Did you know that sometimes I deliberately made a mistake so you would correct me? It is funny, when I can speak nine languages but I cannot tell you in English. I truly cannot. Anlee dodee vey dodee lee. You know the translation. You've come so far in Hebrew and can tell me how you feel. This is hard. I want to see you, look into your eyes and know I am home with you. This will have to do. My heart hurts and the tears do not stop falling. At least when I have time to myself and can miss you._

_I do not wish to make you sadder than I already have. Instead, I will tell you about my day. I am up at 0430 and go out into the fields or the olive groves after a bite of bread and some juice. I pick produce most mornings until about 0900 and then it is time for breakfast...not what you'd think. I am not sure if you would like it. Some mornings, I get to wake later and work in the communal kitchen making the meals for the people in Kibbutz. I wish it was a meal I could share with you, although there is no bacon or pork of any kind. I am trying to laugh, here. I would love to see you covered in dirt from the fields and tired and...I have to say it, even if I made fun of it before, sweaty. Yes, sweaty. I said sweaty. I want to see you like that, coming in from the fields, to me...I cannot do this to myself and you. Not half a world away. I am sorry. Working in the fields is not demeaning, but peaceful. I have time to myself and sometimes I salt the produce with my tears. My friends in the kitchen always know and say my bushels taste better for my salt. They are kind and it comforts me because sometimes I have too much time to think._

_I did not want to make you sad, but I know I have. I do enjoy life on Kibbutz, but I miss you more, far more._

_Give my love to our family. Tell Gibbs I'll call because he never reads his email._

_I love you more than I have nine languages to say. I say it in my native._

_Ani Ohev Otakh, ahvuati,_

_Ziva_

She sent the email and closed her laptop. Ziva placed it on her bedside table and wept into her pillow. She was acting like such a lovestruck teenager. Yet, her heart hurt. She could barely eat and her emotions were all out of control. The pain in her heart was almost more than she could bear.

The door opened and Rivka, her roommate came in. "Zivvie? Are you sick?"

Ziva sniffed and sat up, wiping her eyes. "No. I am fine."

"You are not. What is wrong?"

Ziva shook her head. "Rivka, you would not understand. It is complicated, very complicated. I cannot explain and it's all half a world away."

Rivka nodded and loosened her honey colored hair. "NCIS and your friends there."

Ziva gasped. "No, I mean yes, but no. It is complicated."

"Why?"

"Because it just is!" Ziva exploded. "There is a lot of...history built up. A lot of what writers would call 'mythos' and my soul mate is half a world away and I am not certain we can ever find peace together! If you knew my personal history, then you might understand."

Rivka gave her a soft smile. "Try my, Zivvie. I just might."

"We met after I was sent to be Mossad Liaison Officer to Naval Criminal Investigation Service in Washington D.C. I met Tony within minutes of entering the building and there was just _something _there. Over time we became closer and closer. We had our hard times when we drifted apart, but, recently, it's been intense. When I sent him home to D.C. was the worst pain I have ever felt. He needs his life in Washington and I need to find out who I am and reclaim my life before I can even think about entangling someone in the disaster my life has been."

Rivka wrinkled her fair brow. "I don't understand."

Ziva decided to be blunt. "My Abba was Eli David, Director of Mossad. I was Mossad. Now understand the many complications? When I was Liaison Officer to NCIS, I made American friends and came to love them like family. I am actually an American citizen now. When Abba was killed, I found myself putting them in danger lead me to take this time. I lusted for the man's death that was responsible for my Abba's. I took it on myself to chase him down and kill him and it put my NCIS family in harm's way and it did incredible damage. I hurt them. They are alive but have too many scars. I did that to them, to the people that have become family to me and to the man I love in my desire to go exact revenge for my Abba's murder. I am not whom I used to be and pain that has been visited on people I did not know because of me and who I became. I came here to go back and find who I was before the killing and Mossad."

Rivka, instead of being appalled, bounced onto Ziva's bed and embraced her. "I didn't know! How awful! Let me help you with this. Please? You keep writing your Ahuvati and I will be more understanding and do my best to help you through this. I promise, Zivvie, I'll help you through this and back to him."

"Perhaps after I have prayed enough at Yom Kippur next year. I do not think I have offered enough atonement this year yet. I have been unobservant for years due to Mossad and I have done terrible things in defense of Israel, but sometimes you need to atone. I shall need to tell Tony so he might begin to understand. You are wise beyond your years, Rivvie. Thank you."


	4. Chapter 4

Love Letter

Chapter four

A:N; Thank you for the wonderful reviews. I'd thank you individually if I could. Just thanks a lot for the love we all need since Cote's departure. We all are hurting. It's painful. Thanks for being patient and reading.

Tony read the email over and over again until he could quote it. Still, his heart hurt. He replayed the kiss on the tarmac. She had told him that he was so loved. He couldn't sleep; he didn't want a pizza and good Italian wine. He wanted Ziva. He wanted to hold her in his arms and smell her special scent. He wanted her. He couldn't stand it any longer. It was already November and he ached for her.

_Ziva,_

_I know we've sent emails, but I have got to tell you how much I miss you. Your scent, your touch, your voice, your face. I don't know how much I can do without you. I am happy you say you find peace on the Kibbutz. I love you and am so happy for you. You find yourself. That is important, but know that I am missing you more than my heart can take .I know you need to do what you need to do to make yourself whole again. I'm doing the same. We have to be whole. If you fall, I am here to catch you if that happens. I will wait for you because you are the love of my life. I wait for the day you come back to me and I can come back to you._

_I love you more than I have words,_

_Tony_

Tony folded his arms across his keyboard and cried. Yeah, Dinozzos didn't cry. It meant nothing now. He missed her more than the tears could say. He needed to see her, yet another trip abroad would be hard to justify. It wasn't like Ziva told him where she was. He had the emails. He had to be okay with that for now.

He sniffed and wiped his eyes when the ding of the elevator sounded. He was relieved to see that it was only McGee getting off on their floor and not Gibbs.

Tim stopped in front of Tony's desk. He looked his colleague and friend over carefully before speaking. "You got another email from Ziva."

"What if I did, Probie?"

Tim decided to take the chance with his answer. "Because you're upset. How is she?"

Tony snorted, or tried to. "You don't know?"

"No. I had only one email from her since she left. She was on a Kibbutz and exhausted, but happy. I know she tells you more. She always told you more. She might not be part of our team anymore, but she's...how is she?" McGee said.

Tony nodded, looking at McGee's suddenly moist eyes. He knew the kid missed her badly. "She's good. Still on Kibbutz and still tired, but she's working through things she needs to. She misses us." Tony couldn't help his eyes from tearing up. "I miss her, Probie. I hate seeing her desk empty but I can't think of anyone filling it. I just want her back with all of us."

McGee knew that Tony's feelings went far deeper than anyone else's for Ziva. He could see plainly that Tony loved her and had for years. He clapped his hand on Tony's shoulder in sympathy. "Me, too, for all of us, especially you. You love her, don't you?"

"Stop pining for David, the both of you. Dead Marine in Triangle Park. Grab your gear," Gibbs barked, sparing the tiniest glance at his beloved adopted daughter's empty desk. She had to come home sometime. He wanted it to be soon. That she said she was well in her last phone call was enough for him...almost. She sniffled a lot and he could tell she was crying. He knew that DiNozzo wouldn't be whole until she came back to D.C. He just wouldn't.


	5. Chapter 5

Love Letter

Chapter 5

Tony looked at his calendar on his desk and, with a jolt, he realized what day it was; November 11. Tomorrow was Ziva's birthday. He checked his watch and did the calculations across time zones and came to the conclusion that, in Israel, it was already her birthday, just still the wee hours of it. He clicked open his email.

_Ziva,_

_I know it's only been a couple of days since I sent you my last email, but I just remembered what today is. I just wanted to be the first to wish you a Happy Birthday. I hope it's one of the best for you. Be happy today, for me, because I love you and want you to be happy. I'll send you the birthday present that I bought you months ago. I'm an idiot because I didn't notice the date sooner, otherwise, your gift would be there today. If we weren't on a hot case and Vance would let me go, I'd be there today to celebrate your birthday with you. I would take you out to dinner at a five star restaurant and then we would walk by moonlight by your beach house in Haifa. There would be red rose petals and champagne and strawberries and cream by your pool. Maybe we can still do this when you feel you can. When you feel you have cleaned your soul. Just remember that we all, every human being, have done things that have tainted us in our lifetimes. Nobody is Mother Teresa, certainly not me or you. We all have things to atone for; things we regret. Maybe that's why there is Faith in the world. You are looking to yours to give you atonement. Find peace, especially today and find happiness. It's your Birthday. So, be happy today and know that I love you. I know this email might make you cry, but smile today and find some measure of happiness._

_Happy Birthday, my crazy ninja chick,_

_Love,_

_Tony_

He sent the email feeling a good decade older and emotionally wrung out. Then he eyed McGee.

"McCalendar, what's tomorrow?"

McGee was distracted. "November 12th."

"And who's birthday is November 12th ," Tony asked, "when yours is November 15th?"

"Uhm..."

"Try Ziva, Probie," Tony said. "I know, with the case it slipped my mind until today. I think we should send her a care package of birthday presents."

McGee was taken aback. "Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, well, uhm, she wanted to make a clean break with her old life of violence and sending her stuff from us might hurt her more than make her happy."

"We've been emailing. While she's soul searching, she always says that she misses us, even you," Tony said. "I know where she's staying and I think we should put together a care package from home for her. You know, letting her know we get it and still care about her."

"Well, putting it that way...why not?" McGee said with a smile.

"Why not, what, McGee?" Gibbs asked, his fifth large coffee in hand.

"Sending a birthday care package to Ziva in Israel, Boss. It slipped my mind with the case, but tomorrow is her birthday. I think we should all pitch in and send her something special," Tony said quickly.

"Already did. She should get it in a few hours. Good idea, DiNozzo. Get the rest on board and send her presents," Gibbs said, breezing back out of the bullpen and down to Abby's Lab for results.

NCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCISCISNCISNCISNCI SCNCINCISNCISNCISNCIS

Ziva opened her email and got Tony's email and then Abby's. She never expected one from Gibbs because he just didn't. Tears came to her eyes as she read Tony's email, yet she found such love and comfort in it.

She got up and got herself ready to hit the fields today. There was food to be gathered and goats and sheep to be milked, eggs gathered; there was work to do today. Work in the fields was cooler, thanks to the November weather, but she worked hard. By mid-morning, however, she was relieved and handed a woven basket and asked to go off into the olive orchard to collect olives, since she was so nimble in scrambling up into the trees to find the sweetest, juiciest and most ripe olives. Mossad training came in handy on Kibbutz. Remembering Tony's email, her first well wishes on her birthday, just after she awoke, made her be a driven woman in the orchard. She found every ripe olive and tossed them into her bushel. Five bushels later, she was given two of her own to pit and cure as she saw fit...it still was her birthday, after all, and the entire Kibbutz knew where her heart was. She grinned from ear to ear. She'd cure and pickle them and she knew where they were going.

After dinner and tired from climbing trees most of the day, she returned to her room to find a package on her bed. The address and post mark were from D.C. She ripped it open and tossed the bubble wrap aside, briefly thinking of Abby and how much she like to stomp the stuff. Inside the careful bubble wrap was a beautifully and intricately carved box. She knew, in an instant, who it was from.

She read the card. _"Happy Birthday. For precious things. Gibbs"_

Her fingers trailed the patterns, so delicate and so made with love. It was amazing and she had no idea how long Gibbs worked on this box, but she suddenly hugged it to her and it became so important. She didn't think she had precious things to put inside it until she remembered Tony's emails. She printed them out, folded them up and put each one into the precious things box Gibbs made for her, all with a kiss.

Three days later she got an even larger package. It was all the talk of the Kibbutz. She received a tin of Abby's homemade cookies in Goth shapes, her favorite were the chocolate bats with chocolate icing, the newest of McGee's books, personal message and autographed (he even explained that he explained to his agent for one early release just for her, dust cover and everything), her favorite tea from Ducky and a tea pot and service from Jimmy and Breena. Tony's was the most personal. While she sent back all of their empty olive jars in jest, yet a subtle request for more of her olives, which is what she can only offer her family, he sent her a beautiful silk scarf he had seen while on investigation. He had gone back and bought it; the greens, blues, golds of the peacock like patterns he imagined against her naturally bronzed skin. How majestic would she look wearing it! Like a Queen! It would be so beautiful on her. He said he hoped she'd wear it at the next Shabbas on Kibbutz. It would make him happy to know that.

She joyed in all the unexpected presents. The cookies were a joy and something she did not need to share. Not Kosher! She got to indulge in every delicious Abby crafted crumb with that sinful frosting herself. How she missed Abby! The tea and pot were immediately employed when they were discovered along with the cupcakes. She took the stunning peacock hued scarf, all vivid blues, golds and greens, with some subtle golds and bronzes out and wrapped it around herself. With all these simple things, she remembered that she was loved and had a family not of her biology, but of her heart. Tony was, undoubtedly, the love of her life, but he was willing to wait for her to work out who she was. In all of this, she never doubted her love for Tony.

They were being careful because she nearly begged him to stay after they kissed on the tarmac at Ben Guidon. She ached for him every hour of every day unless work on Kibbutz exhausted her beyond thought.

Today, her birthday, no. She allowed herself to remember her NCIS family and love them and allow the poignant pain in remembering that that love her, loving gifts told er in no uncertain terms, Happy Birthday, Ziva.


End file.
